Looking Forward

Now that I'm well entrenched in the new year, I've been giving some consideration to what I want the year to bring.

I've been trying and casting aside a couple of ideas, none of which seem sustainable or ring true to the person I am, and the person I want to be.

I tend to be a goal-oriented and results-driven person, so I've put a lot of pressure on myself to define goals - after all, as of right now, I have only 11.5 months to reach them, and the clock's ticking. Having said that, beyond knowing what my goal weight is, I have nothing defined. I have some vague sense of what I'd like my life to be like, and I guess this year will be about trying to make things more closely resemble that vision.

I'd like a life filled with laughter and silliness, with security and love. I'd like to feel at peace with myself, so that my actions are inline with my ideals. Vague sentiments, right? To turn this into action, I guess I need to figure out what's happening now that ISN'T in line with those things - what's prevented me from achieving this in the past - then take steps to change those factors. Hmmm... so much to think about...

Tick-tock, tick-tock....

Looking Back

As I look back over 2012, I reviewed my blog posts over the year... I came across one I made back in February about the areas of my life on my "needs improvement" list. I began "assessing" these aspects of my life to determine what progress I had made. I figure as I move in to 2013, I should take stock of what I accomplished in 2012, and take things from there.

• My health/my weight

This one is a mostly good news story. I lost 50 pounds, but gained back 20 of them. Since I'm down 30 overall, I'll put this one in the plus column. I also learned a lot about my body and about HOW I lose weight. I understand what I need to do - what brings me closer to my goals and what moves me further away from them.

• My job satisfaction

Here's another good news story, although there's not really and "story" to tell, as I haven't really changed anything except my perception of things. I've come to the realization that I have a pretty good deal, here. I get paid fairly for the work that I do. I have the flexibility to work where I want (I often work from home) and when I want (the bosses don't care what day or at what time the work gets done, as long as it gets done correctly and by the deadline). I have the option to work overtime to supplement my income, but I no longer feel pressured into working it, or guilty when i choose not to. I truly feel satisfied with my job.

• My living space

Another item for the plus column. My home, while not always spotless, is now tidy at least as often as it is messy. This is a big change, sad as that may sound. For the last few years, we avoided any "impromptu" visits, feeling embarrassed about the state of disarray that we lived in. This is no longer the case. Even when things are a bit "messy", it's only ever a couple of days' worth of mess, and so it doesn't take long to whip it back into shape. I also now have the willing participation of the rest of the family; while they are not yet in a place where they take the initiative to tidy, they do help out, when asked, with little to no grumbling about it.

• My financial situation

I can't, unfortunately put this one solidly in the plus column - it's currently riding the fence. We are ending the year further in debt than we were when we started. There are several reasons for this, most notably our "Hail Mary" plays in and effort to salvage hubby's business. We can at least say that we did everything we could, though, so it wasn't all for nothing. Despite all that, I will say that I now feel more "in control" of our financial situation than I ever have before. We are spreadsheeted to within in inch of our lives, monitoring all inflows and outflows of money. Bills are paid in full, on time, every single month. We are starting to build a savings account, while also paying down debt. We are using credit cards to make most purchases, immediately transferring the money to cover the transaction, so we get the benefit of the travel miles without falling further into debt. We have mastered living within our means, which is a big win, in my books.

• My family

This is another good news story. It was a year of transformation with our relationships this year, most especially between my husband and myself. Things were torn apart and rebuilt a couple of times, and they're stronger now than they have been for years. I can honestly say that we understand eachother better, and genuinely care for one another. We both want the other person to be happy, and are more focused on ensuring that happiness. We are better at giving eachother what they need, rather than what WE need. Regarding the family unit as a whole, we are in the early stages of working together as a team more often. While we want our kids to be able to simply enjoy being kids, they also need to recognize that having a place in the family comes with responsibility to ensuring the overall success of the family. It involves thinking and acting unselfishly, and with the benefit of the household in mind. While we're not there yet, we're on our way, and I see little glimmers and shining moments that give me hope.

Overall, 2012 was a great year, filled with many improvements. I'm better off than I was at the start of the year. My family is better off than they were at the start of the year. I now have the buy-in from the family, who understand that while change may feel uncomfortable and may involve some work and sacrifices, the results are absolutely worth it.

I haven't actually defined any specific goals for 2013, but I look forward to continuing to improve my life and the lives of my family in whatever ways we can. Looking back over the last year helps me to look forward to the next with confidence that I WILL meet my goals if I continue to work toward them.

Thankful

I know it's Christmas, and not Thanksgiving, but I find myself looking back at the events of the last year and feeling really good about things.

This year, I'm healthier and stronger than I've ever been. I have clear goals and I know what will bring me closer to my goals, and what moves me further away. I know that I CAN be the person I want to be.

I have a good job, that pays me fairly for the work I do. I like the work I do - it offers a good balance of new challenges, while also having a basic routine so I can go on "auto-pilot" for a bit if I want to. I have the opportunity to work as much overtime as I like to boost the paycheque, but I rarely HAVE to work OT. I have the flexibility to work when I want, and where I want, so that I have a work/life balance that suits my family's needs.

I have 2 great kids that I love and who make me proud every day. I've watched them grow up to be these amazing people that I not only love, but actually like. I enjoy spending time hanging out with them - finding out what they think about things. I love that they have their own thoughts and ideas and unique views and interpretations about the world around us.

I have a wonderful husband who appreciates me and genuinely wants to see me happy. He is not afraid to admit when he's wrong, or to ask for help when the need arises. After being together for almost 18 years, we are still as much in love as we were in high school.

Our finances are stabilizing. While we're nowhere near where we ultimately want to be, we know what we need to do to get there, and we're steadfastly moving in that direction. We are working together to move toward our financial goals, and we're feeling less stress about money because we're more in control of it.

I have a great support system of family and friends who only want good things for me and who are always ready and willing to help in any way they can. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for having them in my life.

Looking back over 2012, I realize how fortunate I am, and I am incredibly thankful for everything good in my life.

Anticipation

I've had a week filled with positive thinking, good vibes, and excitement. Nothing really big has happened, nothing too fabulous, but I found myself feeling uplifted by the smallest things - the little things that make life nice.

One contributing factor to my overall lightheartedness is, I'm sure, the wonderfulness that is November. This particular November, in addition to including my birthday, as usual, also brings with it a number of getaway(s). There have been no vacations or even weekend trips this year, for a number of reasons. Now, however, they seem to be coming back-to-back.

• Last week, our family spent the night at a hotel not too far away, for "Sleep Cheap" - A charity event sponsored by several hotels in the area, where for a small fee, local residents can stay and enjoy their facilities, with all of the proceeds going to a good cause.
• This coming up weekend, hubby is taking me away for a "surprise" getaway, just the two of us. Destination is unknown - I just pack my bags, get in the car, and see where he takes me. He made arrangements for the kids for the weekend, so it's just he and I, with both the time and opportunity to reconnect.
• Immediately following this weekend getaway, the whole family is going away on a vacation. It's an all-inclusive "dude ranch"-type resort, and we're really looking forward to it. The "no electronics - including cell phones" mandate has been communicated to each person in my family, and everyone's on board with this. It's time to reconnect as a family, as well - and this will be the perfect time and place to do it.

So I've had a bit of a "pep-in-my-step" for a couple of weeks, now. Looking for the good, rather than the bad. Trying to focus on the positive and let things go. Trying to prevent myself from getting stressed, but rather, feeling very zen about things.

So far, I've been successful - between a focus on how I WANT things to be, and the anticipation of so many exciting things happening at once, things are really looking up.

Transformation

2012 has been a year of transformation for me. I've transformed by body, my thoughts, my relationships, my behaviours - my life.

This is not to say that I was A, and am now C, so my job is done. More that I was A, then I was B, and am now C, and will continue on my journey in the hopes that I will one day be Z.

I need to zero in on things and focus a bit, though. I've got too many balls in the air - too many areas of my life that I'm working on, to the point where my "self-improvements" have begun resembling something along the lines of "jack of all trades - master of none".

I'm working on several things right now, including, but not limited to:

• My 100 Thing Challenge - for myself, the house, and the whole family
• P.I.N.K. Method Challenge
• Transforming My Marriage, Without Words
• The Secret - Living with Gratitude - The Laws of Attaction
• Recipe Card Cleaning System
• Maintaining a Minimalist Vision During the Holidays
• Living Simply and Frugally

All of these are things that merit my attention - my undivided attention. I felt immediately connected and committed to each of them when they crossed my path, and I believe that staying true to them will allow me to more closely resemble the person I dream of being.

The reality is that I can't do it all at once - I need to prioritize. It's so hard to prioritize between things that you LOVE, though! Which one is less important than the other? Is my emotional well-being more or less important than my physical one? Where to my relationships stand on the priority scale? Some of these involve the participation of others in the family... Does that mean that I should start with ones ONLY requiring me - so I can check them off my list and move on? Or does that mean that I should START with those, since it may take more time to gain their cooperation and implement?

So many questions to ponder and decisions to make as I continue my transformation, and steer my journey into the new year :)

Evolution

Do you have one of those people in your life that just knows how to push your buttons? They know you so well, that they can zero in on them with no trouble at all. The ones that seem to go in looking for a fight - and they get one.

I have someone like that. And do you know what? I often responded in a perfectly predictable manner. The simple fact is that I am who I am, so I will react to certain things in certain ways. So this person would steer things down a certain path, and I would get sucked right into it - hook, line & sinker.

Not tonight.

Tonight I decided to temper my response - and bite my tongue. I didn't put a fake smile on things, don't get me wrong. But when things went to a place that I felt was unacceptable or unproductive, I simply and calmly said so. I drew my line very clearly in the sand.

Interesting reaction from the other party.

I threw things off their game - moved them in a different direction. Basically said, "I'm not going to play this game" and decided not to. It feels scary, breaking pattern like that. As much as the old patterns of behaviour were awful, at least they were predictable. They had ther own ebb and flow, and you knew how it would all turn out. It's the uncertainty that scares us away from making a different choice, responding differently, reacting differently. It's scary as hell to take a road not previously taken... a windy and unknown road that you don't know where it leads to.

I'm going down that road now - I'm evolving, and my relationships are evolving... I'm taking the unknown path and hoping for the best - because hope for better things is what drives us to change and move forward.

Here's to the new evolution! May it take me down a better path than the roads previous taken.

The Ability to Overlook

We live in a time where there is so much to do, and not enough time in which to do it. We get creative with our time management, and look for ways to shave things down. Part of this involves deciding what ball needs to get dropped, or what tasks to let slide for awhile.

A main deciding factor in this? The profile of the task. Is it something that is obvious? Will people notice if it isn't done? If so, can the fact that it isn't done be easily justified? If no one will notice, if it's easy to overlook, this is the sort of thing that can slip by the wayside from time to time.

The reality is that far too often, for most of us, we let things go until we just can't ignore, them anymore. There can be any multitude of reasons why we procrastinate: time, money and effort are the biggies.

Didn't get that "check engine" light on the dash checked out, now the car's making horrible noises and you can't wait any longer... would've been simpler, more convenient, and cheaper to take it to the shop before this point, but hey... human nature, right?

Didn't get the bathroom cleaned when it only needed a quick wipe... now you've got surprise guests and it needs to be scrubbed. Should've done it sooner, but because the mess wasn't staring you in the face, it was ignored, and now it's embarrassing.

Didn't exercise regularly because a look in the mirror told you that you looked okay - you didn't need to work out.... Now your muscles have gone soft, you've gained back a few pounds, and your clothes don't fit the same way. Should've maintained things, but because the reasons for being healthy were no longer staring you in the face, you let yourself go.

The people in my family (myself included) have a remarkable ability to overlook things that we don't want to deal with. We ignore messes as they accumulate, and we're lazy by nature. Unless we absolutely HAVE TO do something, we don't. Unless there's no way for us to avoid something, we'll make every effort to do just that.

This is something I'm becoming more aware of, as time goes by. I'm implementing systems (hey - it's what I do) in an effort to get things on track - to tidy and clean before things look like they have to be cleaned. My theory is that our house will then always look super clean and tidy, all the time. I know, I know, probably wishful thinking, but hey...a girl can dream, right? I need to work on taking away our ability to overlook things. Wish me luck!