Sigh

I know that I haven't posted much over the last couple of months. The simple fact is that I had a lot on the go - which isn't to say that I couldn't set aside 10 minutes of my precious time to post on my blog, but rather that I couldn't begin to sort it all out to even think of what to say.

I stopped working out. I had bought the Brazil Butt Lift DVD set, did it a couple of time, found it to be a fantastic workout, then stopped. My initial drop-off in my exercise regime happened when I hurt/broke my toe, and it really hurt to put any weight on it in my workouts. I didn't start back up again when I could have, though, as the weather heated up. We didn't have Air Conditioning and the conditions became unbearable when deliberate sweating was thrown into the mix.

My eating habits haven't been great. I will say, though, that I've become incredibly self-aware where food is concerned. I beginning to better understand what foods impact me in what ways, and even though I haven't lost any additional weight to reach my goal, I know what I need to do to continue to maintain my weight. For lack of a better term, I know how far I can push the limits of nutrition and indulgence, to enjoy some "forbidden" foods without completely derailing my efforts thus far.

Between these two things (the lack of exercise and less than stellar eating habits) I haven't felt very good about myself. I don't feel the pride that I did before. I know what I have to do, in order to get back on track, I just need to make the change, and do it. I'm hoping now that the kids are back to school that our family will start to find our way into some kind of a routine, and that the excercise can be incorporated into that routine.

My closed down his business. He's worked there for probably 10 years before he bought into it, so this was a major change, but a necessary one for a lot of reasons. He's supposed to be starting a new job early next week, though, so that'll be a good thing for everyone. It's a similiar sort of work to what he had done before, but this time he'll be working for someone else. The good side to this is that he doesn't have the responsibility and the headaches that come with being the owner of a business, and he gets a paycheque regardless of when/how much the client pays their bill. The down side to this is that he'll have to get used to answering to someone else, punching a timeclock (so to speak) and having to do thing someon else's way, whether or not he agrees with it. Wishing him lots of luck and hoping that this is the beginning of a great new stage in his life!

I've been feeling... unsettled, I guess would be the best way to describe it. Not quite anxious or stressed, for the most part, although I've had my fair share of both over the last couple of months. No, I guess it's a feeling of... waiting. Like I'm just holding my breath, watchful...waiting. I don't feel rested, and don't feel quite like myself. I wonder how much of this is related to the uncertainty that our family now faces with my husband's career change happening, how much may be because the summer simply flew by in a blur of baseball and soccer for the kids, and how much is because I'm just not taking care of myself and making me a priority.

In any event, these are some of the thoughts swirling through my head, and I don't yet have clarity or answers on any of these things. I don't fully understand my feelings about some of these things, and certainly haven't committed to any course of action to handle them. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so unsettled... I usually have a clear vision of my path, and what I need to do to stay on it... and for the first time in awhile, I really and truly don't. I haven't made any decisions or plans about anything... I'm floating, waiting for a clearing to appear before me so that I can make a safe landing. Here's hoping I catch sight of one soon! In the meantime, I'll keep on looking and searching...

*Sigh*