At Odds with Myself

I try to be true to myself. I try to listen to my gut and follow my instincts. I try not to do something just because I should do it, or because of what other people might think - it needs to feel right and true to me.

At work, I'm being faced with multiple and conflicting deadlines. There are only so many hours in the day, and I do everything I can to maximize every minute I'm at work. During the day on Friday, I became resigned to the fact that I was not going to be able to meet the deadline of Friday, June 15th by completing my work during regular business hours. I would have to work all weekend to be able to do it all.

Enter my dilemma, and the feeling of being at odds with myself. My gut says: do what you have to do - just get it done. It tells me that I should be the shiny star that makes the magic happen, against all odds. I should be the miracle worker that managed to get it done, despite all the obstacles. I want a reputation for being that person.

Here's the reality, though... Time and time again, our team pulls out all the stops and gets the job done. I've worked 80 hour work weeks, on an ongoing basis for 2 whole months before finally drawing my line in the sand and scaling back to 60 hour work weeks. Nothing changes. The poor planning and lack of advocation on the part of our leadership team continues to put us in these situations, and our team repeatedly pulls us out of them.

So I had a decision to make... Sacrifice my weekend with my family and put in some time to increase my odds of meeting the deadline of the 15th, or enjoy my family time, work as productively as possible during working hours, and allow the leadership team accountability for their own choices.

I enjoyed my weekend immensely, and while I felt some guilt upon my return to work today, I feel that I made the right decision. I can't always be the miracle worker at work, but I can (and should) be the one to "make the magic happen" for my kids. I'm getting my priorities straight, and moving in the right direction. So while right now I feel at odds with myself, I think I'm growing as a person, and it feels pretty darn good :)