So... I have these recurring thoughts and I finally decided to put them down here (especially after I shared them with someone else and they didn't treat me like a headcase). It all roots back to body image and insecurity.
As part of the PINK program, I weigh myself daily. Some may say that it's excessive... that is possibly the case, however I find that doing so really cements the relationship between my choices and my resulting weight - a direct "cause-and-effect" that's a real eye-opener.
While I'm a lot more aware of how my choices impact my body, I'm still remarkably oblivious when it comes to my body image. Half the time I weigh myself, I expect to be at least 10 lbs heavier than I actually am. I haven't been diligent with exercise over the last couple of weeks, and I find myself checking out my arms a few times a week, expecting to see the definition gone, replaced instead by flab & loose skin.
I started giving this paranoia some serious consideration the other day, and I finally realized why I think this way: I didn't see the weight gain coming the first time. By the time I started giving some serious consideration to my body and my weight, I was already 50 lbs overweight. So... if it happened before, it could happen again. I believe that if I'm not diligent and hyper-aware and watching things closely, I'll wake up heavy again.
Hopefully this paranoia will give way to self-awareness... in the meantime, I'll keep on keeping on, as I move towards my goal (which is 7 lbs away!).
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