Evaluation

When I was in school, I got good grades. My parents set high expectations for my sister and I and pushed us to always give 100%. They instilled good work study habits and a love of learning. And I do love learning - I have my parents to thank for this.

Having said that, I remember coming home on report card day with seven A's and one B and having to speak to "what went wrong". I remember feeling such anxiety coming home with that envelope in hand - I even remember getting sick on my walk home from school. Don't get me wrong... my parents are loving and caring people - I'm not talking about facing abuse or anything. I'm talking about facing their disappointment. I didn't want to let them down by not meeting the bar they had set for us.

While I don't consciously remember doing so, I've adopted a similar mindset in reaction to report cards. I didn't even realize it until my kids came home today with their report cards. My kids don't usually get the sort of grades that I did. They normally float around the B mark, with the occasional A or C. While I notice the "letter grade", I tend to zero in on the comments as I find them more insightful.

When I looked at my daughter, I noticed that her eyes looked a little strange. I asked her if she had trouble falling asleep the night before, and she told me that she slept fine. I glance through her report card, and then I see it - a D minus. My gut reaction, of course, is to ask "What Happened?!?" but I don't. Because now I get it. She was so anxious about the grade that she had been crying. Without meaning to, I had put the same pressure on my kids.

I took a deep breath and read the comments. There were actually four separate grades for math - each area evaluated separately. So within the math categories, she had two A's, one B, and a D minus. I remember her struggling with the one unit. Needing my help after she had failed a couple of tests.

So I ask her if she was nervous to show me the report card, and she says that she was. I ask her if she tried her best, and she indicates that she did, but admits that she did so only after it was too late. So I try to remember and at the same time, remind her, that the report card is just a summary of how the teacher thinks you did. She already knew that in that one particular unit, she didn't do well, and her grade was a reflection of that, just as the other grades were a reflection of how well she did in other units and subjects.

A reminder today - to her, to me, to everyone, that while none of us likes having mistakes shoved in our face, it's okay. It's important to own them, accept responsibility for them, and learn from them. With a little luck and some effort, hopefully we avoid repeating them. It's also important for us to remember that just because we've made mistakes in our past, our future remains our own to do with what we will.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, with no mistakes.