I'm bored at work. I do the same things every day, day after day after day, and I'm feeling stifled, and also a little bit like I'm being wasted. My skills aren't being sharpened, I'm not being challenged... every day I work, I feel a little bit stupider, as my brain continues to go to mush from a lack of use.
There was a time when doing these same tasks did present a challenge, when I first learned them. Continuing to complete the same tasks made me feel good, because I felt like I was "mastering" them, or becoming an "expert" at them. I continued to keep myself engaged with them over time by finding new, different, and better ways to complete them, improving the process wherever possible. Now they hold nothing for me but dread, and the gnawing concern that this will be my forever, that I will slowly wither away while completing them.
Perhaps this is yet another reason why I'm focused on improving so many other aspects of my life - I need to feel challenged - I need to feel like I'm actually accomplishing something. Without doing this, I'm left feeling like something's dying inside me.
I suppose some people might think that my complaints are small, compared with what they could be. I mean, hey - I could be unemployed, right? Some might see, simply, that I get paid for doing something that I know well, and that I can do well - so no problem, right?
{sigh}
If only it were that simple. If only I didn't spend 8 hours a day doing something that made me feel small, insignificant, and of little value. If only I weren't so bored.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Motivated
I hope this doesn't jinx things (by writing about it) but my family's been really great lately with tidying up after themselves, and contributing to household chores.
I've tried all kinds of systems, and lists, and checklists, and challenges, and dozens of other gimmicky things, but nothing really clicked with people. Now we've finally got one that works.
Maybe it's also because I've redefined, and clearly defined, what constitutes a "task". Maybe it's because it engages our competitive spirits. Maybe it's because it looks fun and most tasks won't take longer than 15 minutes to complete. Maybe it's because they're older and have a better understanding of things. Whatever the reason, I'm loving it.
Everyone's picking up after themselves and looking after their own messes. They get no credit for this, and occasionally need reminders (hey - we all do sometimes), but it gets done, and this alone helps to keep things tidy.
Then, for each "task" that contributes to the household, not just the individual, they get to move a square along the chore board. When you reach the end, you get your reward (different for each of us, depending on what each person likes).
I don't know how long it will last, but I'll enjoy it while everyone's as motivated as I am, to keep our house looking it's best.
I've tried all kinds of systems, and lists, and checklists, and challenges, and dozens of other gimmicky things, but nothing really clicked with people. Now we've finally got one that works.
Maybe it's also because I've redefined, and clearly defined, what constitutes a "task". Maybe it's because it engages our competitive spirits. Maybe it's because it looks fun and most tasks won't take longer than 15 minutes to complete. Maybe it's because they're older and have a better understanding of things. Whatever the reason, I'm loving it.
Everyone's picking up after themselves and looking after their own messes. They get no credit for this, and occasionally need reminders (hey - we all do sometimes), but it gets done, and this alone helps to keep things tidy.
Then, for each "task" that contributes to the household, not just the individual, they get to move a square along the chore board. When you reach the end, you get your reward (different for each of us, depending on what each person likes).
I don't know how long it will last, but I'll enjoy it while everyone's as motivated as I am, to keep our house looking it's best.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Family Time
This weekend was spent with the people I love. Hubby, kids, parents, gramma, sister, niece and nephew.
A slight shift in priorities is in order. Family is at the top of my list normally, but this last weekend made me realize that while that might be the case in my mind and in my heart, my actions don't always convey the fact that this is my priority.
I need to make Family Time happen more often. I want more wonderful weekends like this :)
- My immediate family worked together with me to tidy the house, do groceries, etc.
- We visited my gramma which we don't do nearly often enough. It was a lovely visit that we all enjoyed.
- We played games and cards together.
- We saw my niece's "Ice Show" (figure skating) and took tons of pics.
- My parents came over for a delicious dinner prepared by my man :)
- They stayed, visited, and played cards - just relaxing and hanging out.
A slight shift in priorities is in order. Family is at the top of my list normally, but this last weekend made me realize that while that might be the case in my mind and in my heart, my actions don't always convey the fact that this is my priority.
I need to make Family Time happen more often. I want more wonderful weekends like this :)
Friday, February 24, 2012
Willpower
Willpower is a funny thing. It's something that we put a lot of stock in, and feel like in order to achieve certain things, we must have it. Alternatively, it can be a handy excuse to give up on things, with a claim that there's insufficient willpower to get to the goal.
Willpower is not like gasoline required to make the car get to work. Fact: a car cannot run without fuel (be it electric, or gas). Fact: personal goals can be achieved by making choices that move us closer to our goals, rather than further away.
Everyone has the ability to make choices - and our choices (aka our actions) are what determine our path, and therefore our destination. I'm not going to say that making the "right" choice is always easy - far from it. I'm only saying that it's not like we don't know what the right choice is.
Someone recently said in a presentation, "Whenever you're struggling with making a decision, do the right thing. You know in your gut what the right thing is; you just need to do it". This clicked for me.
So what's needed, then, to do the right thing and move you closer to your goals?
Some self-control, perhaps, yes. A clear sense of what's important to you and what isn't, yes. An understanding of where you want to be and what you need to do to get you there, yes. I don't see that willpower is an essential element here.
Willpower is not like gasoline required to make the car get to work. Fact: a car cannot run without fuel (be it electric, or gas). Fact: personal goals can be achieved by making choices that move us closer to our goals, rather than further away.
Everyone has the ability to make choices - and our choices (aka our actions) are what determine our path, and therefore our destination. I'm not going to say that making the "right" choice is always easy - far from it. I'm only saying that it's not like we don't know what the right choice is.
Someone recently said in a presentation, "Whenever you're struggling with making a decision, do the right thing. You know in your gut what the right thing is; you just need to do it". This clicked for me.
- Do I bail on plans that I made with someone because this other fun thing just came up?
- Do I order the grilled chicken wrap and salad, or the deep-fried fish and chips?
- Do I slack off and relax now, with the intention of getting my work done later?
- Is doing the "new fun thing" more important than keeping your commitments?
- Is enjoying a meal that's admittedly delicious, but bad for you now, worth the price to your body in terms of how you look and feel afterwards? Does it taste as good as healthy feels?
- Is enjoying sloth and laziness now worth the price of either scrambling later, or not completing a task that you should have? Something that someone was counting on you to do?
So what's needed, then, to do the right thing and move you closer to your goals?
Some self-control, perhaps, yes. A clear sense of what's important to you and what isn't, yes. An understanding of where you want to be and what you need to do to get you there, yes. I don't see that willpower is an essential element here.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Break Up Letter
Dear 180s,
I know I flirted with you and led you on for a good year before I left the 170s and settled for you. We spent most of 2010 and some of 2011 together before I left you for the 190s - but you took me back, and at the time, that meant a lot to me.
You made me feel bad when we spent time together at the pool or the beach. You made me look like someone that should hide their body. I deserve better. I met PINK and they've recently re-introduced me to the 170s. I had left the 170s for you because I abused them with junk food and I didn't deserve them. But do you know what? You don't deserve me. I'm too good for you now.
I've started taking care of myself again. You only make me feel bad about myself. I'd been looking at the 170s over your shoulder for awhile now, but I stayed with you because it was what I knew, even while knowing that you weren't good for me anymore. Now I'm confident that I'm leaving you for good.
One day I hope to be good enough for the 130s to take me back, even though I haven't seen them for years and took advantage of them while we were together. But for now, 170s are looking pretty damn good after the way you treated me.
Good bye. I'm sure you can make someone who wants to leave 190 very happy.
I know I flirted with you and led you on for a good year before I left the 170s and settled for you. We spent most of 2010 and some of 2011 together before I left you for the 190s - but you took me back, and at the time, that meant a lot to me.
You made me feel bad when we spent time together at the pool or the beach. You made me look like someone that should hide their body. I deserve better. I met PINK and they've recently re-introduced me to the 170s. I had left the 170s for you because I abused them with junk food and I didn't deserve them. But do you know what? You don't deserve me. I'm too good for you now.
I've started taking care of myself again. You only make me feel bad about myself. I'd been looking at the 170s over your shoulder for awhile now, but I stayed with you because it was what I knew, even while knowing that you weren't good for me anymore. Now I'm confident that I'm leaving you for good.
One day I hope to be good enough for the 130s to take me back, even though I haven't seen them for years and took advantage of them while we were together. But for now, 170s are looking pretty damn good after the way you treated me.
Good bye. I'm sure you can make someone who wants to leave 190 very happy.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Passive-Aggressive?
I love being inspired. I'm thrilled when I come across sayings and phrases that speak to me and resonate with me. Thoughts and ideas shared by others that I can identify with and let me know that there are others with similar mind-sets.
Negative experiences leave an emotional footprint on each of us. We can move past it, but we can be taken back to those feelings in an instant if something reminds us of it.
So, sometimes these phrases, while inspirational, strike a chord that takes me back to "a bad place". I don't mean to say that it drags me down - quite the opposite. They're usually more empowering, allowing for a different way to look at a situation, or respond to it.
I've taken to sharing these things as I come across ones that I connect with, whether sharing on FaceBook or verbally. I think that they help me to feel strong and grow, and sometimes they express a thought for feeling that I have, in a new way that I would never have done.
Someone recently said that it felt like I was taking jabs at them by sharing these things. I'm considering that... it may be true - or maybe they just have a guilty conscience.
I'll give you a couple of examples of the sort of things that are currently giving me "Ah-ha" moments:
Hmmm....
Negative experiences leave an emotional footprint on each of us. We can move past it, but we can be taken back to those feelings in an instant if something reminds us of it.
So, sometimes these phrases, while inspirational, strike a chord that takes me back to "a bad place". I don't mean to say that it drags me down - quite the opposite. They're usually more empowering, allowing for a different way to look at a situation, or respond to it.
I've taken to sharing these things as I come across ones that I connect with, whether sharing on FaceBook or verbally. I think that they help me to feel strong and grow, and sometimes they express a thought for feeling that I have, in a new way that I would never have done.
Someone recently said that it felt like I was taking jabs at them by sharing these things. I'm considering that... it may be true - or maybe they just have a guilty conscience.
I'll give you a couple of examples of the sort of things that are currently giving me "Ah-ha" moments:
- "Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you"
- "The way YOU treat yourself sets the standard for others on how you demand to be treated. Don't settle for anything other than RESPECT."
There are other similar ones, but they run along the same lines - overcoming adversity and emerging stronger - recognizing what isn't working and how you need to do what's right for you to change your life for the better.
Do I sometimes feel like I'm "taken back" when I'm reading and sharing these things: absolutely. Might I then be making a jab at the person/people who have hurt me: possibly. If the person/people who have hurt me believe that it is pertaining to them, might that mean that they, too, are identifying with their "role" in the phrase: likely.
So, then... I may be passive-aggressive when sharing these things, because I'm trying to communicate things in a way that I might not have been able to before, where perhaps I should be facing them directly. The fact that I can be "taken back" to those feelings means that the wound is still fresh enough and is not yet healed. Is it better to continue to share? Or keep things to myself? Is my sharing intended to help me, or to hurt someone else? And if it's true purpose is to help me, is there any need to share?
Hmmm....
Monday, February 20, 2012
Disillusionment
Today was the first day of the next stage in the P.I.N.K. Method program, which meant I started the exercise DVDs.
Within this next stage, there are 3 "phases" of exercise, and the duration and intensity of the workout increases with each phase. Phase 1 includes 20 min workouts, Phase 2 has 30 min workouts, and Phase 3 bumps it up to 40 min workouts.... or so I thought.
When I actually looked at the "daily recommendations" which outline both nutrition and fitness suggestions for each day, it suggests a 20 min workout PLUS one of the 15 min bonus workouts! It follows a similar pattern for the first 6 days, you get the 7th day with no exercise, then on the following week, you're doing TWO of the 20 min workouts. YIKES!
This may not sound like a big deal, but for a person who is admittedly out-of-shape, whose legs are still a little shaky from this morning's workout, and who had a vision of getting the body I want by working out for only 20 minutes a day, this is a real eye-opener.
The more I think about it, the more I completely understand that I can expect to get out of this program only what I put into it, and that going the "extra mile" will only accelerate my results. The logical side of me completely understands this (I mean, really - if getting slim and sexy were easy, no one would be overweight), but the emotional side of me feels a little caught off guard.
My resolve to work the program hasn't changed, although I did feel a little overwhelmed when I realised this. My naive, hopeful self was just a little disillusioned today, which tells me now's when I need to get grounded and get to work to keep my commitment strong. The last 2 weeks (during which I lost 12 pounds!) was a cakewalk, and now's where I'm going to really test myself to see what I'm made of.
Wish me luck!
Within this next stage, there are 3 "phases" of exercise, and the duration and intensity of the workout increases with each phase. Phase 1 includes 20 min workouts, Phase 2 has 30 min workouts, and Phase 3 bumps it up to 40 min workouts.... or so I thought.
When I actually looked at the "daily recommendations" which outline both nutrition and fitness suggestions for each day, it suggests a 20 min workout PLUS one of the 15 min bonus workouts! It follows a similar pattern for the first 6 days, you get the 7th day with no exercise, then on the following week, you're doing TWO of the 20 min workouts. YIKES!
This may not sound like a big deal, but for a person who is admittedly out-of-shape, whose legs are still a little shaky from this morning's workout, and who had a vision of getting the body I want by working out for only 20 minutes a day, this is a real eye-opener.
The more I think about it, the more I completely understand that I can expect to get out of this program only what I put into it, and that going the "extra mile" will only accelerate my results. The logical side of me completely understands this (I mean, really - if getting slim and sexy were easy, no one would be overweight), but the emotional side of me feels a little caught off guard.
My resolve to work the program hasn't changed, although I did feel a little overwhelmed when I realised this. My naive, hopeful self was just a little disillusioned today, which tells me now's when I need to get grounded and get to work to keep my commitment strong. The last 2 weeks (during which I lost 12 pounds!) was a cakewalk, and now's where I'm going to really test myself to see what I'm made of.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Development
Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. A good day, but a bit surreal.
It was the day I took my daughter shopping for her first real bras. She's got sports bras and couple of other ones of the stretchy-cotton variety, but these are her first ones with an actual formed cup. I noticed last week that she was growing in that area, and then she spoke with me that night and said that she would like to have a "pretty" bra. Who can blame her? I like pretty undergarmets, too.
So off we went from store to store in search of the one(s) that would be pretty, comfortable, and would also fit her properly. As any woman knows, finding a bra that fits all these criteria can be a bit like looking for a needle in a haystack, but we were successful in our 4th and 5th stores, and walked away happily with 3 bras purchased.
It was a wonderful mother-daughter bonding experience, where I think we both learned some things about eachother as we spoke openly and honestly about personal things like body image and body changes.
I learned that my daughter demonstrates surprisingly good judgement for a 10-year-old. Despite falling in love with a certain bra, if it didn't fit her properly (for example, if it was too big in the cup), she said so. If she felt it was too revealing, she said so. If she felt that it would show through her clothes or the straps were positioned in such a way that the brastraps may be visible, she said so. Her thoughts behind her selection process were mature and made me proud.
She learned that she can talk to me about anything and everything, because I've been through it all before. Not only that, while I will share my stories and life lessons with her, I won't tell her what choices I feel she should make, or pass judgement when she doesn't make the same choices that I would. She can listen to my thoughts and then do what's right for her, and that's okay.
I hope that the day we shared yesterday is only the start of many similar days that we will have over the next few years. I think that we'll both need it, and I plan for it to happen at least every few months as an extra opportunity for us to touch-base and reconnect with one another.
And so I watch my daughter grow up - no longer a child, and yet not an adult, either. I watch with sadness and joy and hope and pride, all mixed up together. I'm in awe that I get to be here for her during her development as she transitions from being the child she once was, into the woman she will one day become.
It was the day I took my daughter shopping for her first real bras. She's got sports bras and couple of other ones of the stretchy-cotton variety, but these are her first ones with an actual formed cup. I noticed last week that she was growing in that area, and then she spoke with me that night and said that she would like to have a "pretty" bra. Who can blame her? I like pretty undergarmets, too.
So off we went from store to store in search of the one(s) that would be pretty, comfortable, and would also fit her properly. As any woman knows, finding a bra that fits all these criteria can be a bit like looking for a needle in a haystack, but we were successful in our 4th and 5th stores, and walked away happily with 3 bras purchased.
It was a wonderful mother-daughter bonding experience, where I think we both learned some things about eachother as we spoke openly and honestly about personal things like body image and body changes.
I learned that my daughter demonstrates surprisingly good judgement for a 10-year-old. Despite falling in love with a certain bra, if it didn't fit her properly (for example, if it was too big in the cup), she said so. If she felt it was too revealing, she said so. If she felt that it would show through her clothes or the straps were positioned in such a way that the brastraps may be visible, she said so. Her thoughts behind her selection process were mature and made me proud.
She learned that she can talk to me about anything and everything, because I've been through it all before. Not only that, while I will share my stories and life lessons with her, I won't tell her what choices I feel she should make, or pass judgement when she doesn't make the same choices that I would. She can listen to my thoughts and then do what's right for her, and that's okay.
I hope that the day we shared yesterday is only the start of many similar days that we will have over the next few years. I think that we'll both need it, and I plan for it to happen at least every few months as an extra opportunity for us to touch-base and reconnect with one another.
And so I watch my daughter grow up - no longer a child, and yet not an adult, either. I watch with sadness and joy and hope and pride, all mixed up together. I'm in awe that I get to be here for her during her development as she transitions from being the child she once was, into the woman she will one day become.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Whiplash
Today's Friday, and it's a much-awaited day: Payday. It just dawned on me today the significance that this day currently has for us (I say currently, because we're gradually trying to dig ourselves out of paycheque-to-paycheque land).
At breakfast this morning, my daughter asked me about a sub-sandwich lunch order form. In a rush, I said that I'd look at it later, and she then told me that it was due today. Now, mornings tend to be rushed around our house, so now I'm factoring in this new item on my "To Do" list, and I ask why she didn't tell me about it before. She replied, "Well, today's pay-day, so there wasn't money for it before, right?" A punch in the gut - that's what this innocent question felt like.
While we don't involve the kids in our major financials or anything, we do discuss things when they're around, and they know when there's money available to splurge, and when there isn't and not to bother asking. When we're shopping and I see something I want but put it back on the shelf, I explain that it's not something I need, and we can't afford it. When they ask for something they want but don't need, they hear a similar statement. While part of me is saddened that this has clearly become a part of their lives, another part of me hopes that the knowledge they gain from these experiences will help them to manage their own finances effectively.
So today's payday - meaning my pay comes in, gets us out of overdraft, and we find ourselves "back in black". Now come the bill payments - fulfilling a couple of payment arrangements that we made, minimum payment on the credit card, transferring funds where they need to go. And I look at the balance. Still looks good! :) Oh! Wait... that money needs to cover for 2 mortgage payments before I'll get paid again... so that brings the balance down to... hmm.... and we need groceries - the cupboards are looking dangerously bare and the fridge is mostly empty, so that will bring the balance down further to... oh - and gas money to get to-and-from work, and the kids to-and-from school (we live in the country so this is a very real expense), which brings it down to.... DAMN!
Basically, I went from maxed out overdraft, to being nicely in the black, and I can see that with the writing on the wall, we'll be back to the bottom of the overdraft yet again before I next get paid. Total whiplash.
Today was payday, but there's no splurging, no "extra" available. Sub-day is still happening, because the kids don't need to know just how tight things are, and if I need to work from home for a couple of days to save the gas money to make up for the expense - well - I'm fortunate that I have that option available to me.
I look forward to the days where we're no longer paycheque-to-paycheque, and I swear that we won't be here again. This isn't something that I'm crossing my fingers on or simply hoping for - I'm committed to making the necessary changes to prevent this from happening, and it sounds like my husband's on board, too.
By the end of this year, we WILL be whiplash-free forever.
At breakfast this morning, my daughter asked me about a sub-sandwich lunch order form. In a rush, I said that I'd look at it later, and she then told me that it was due today. Now, mornings tend to be rushed around our house, so now I'm factoring in this new item on my "To Do" list, and I ask why she didn't tell me about it before. She replied, "Well, today's pay-day, so there wasn't money for it before, right?" A punch in the gut - that's what this innocent question felt like.
While we don't involve the kids in our major financials or anything, we do discuss things when they're around, and they know when there's money available to splurge, and when there isn't and not to bother asking. When we're shopping and I see something I want but put it back on the shelf, I explain that it's not something I need, and we can't afford it. When they ask for something they want but don't need, they hear a similar statement. While part of me is saddened that this has clearly become a part of their lives, another part of me hopes that the knowledge they gain from these experiences will help them to manage their own finances effectively.
So today's payday - meaning my pay comes in, gets us out of overdraft, and we find ourselves "back in black". Now come the bill payments - fulfilling a couple of payment arrangements that we made, minimum payment on the credit card, transferring funds where they need to go. And I look at the balance. Still looks good! :) Oh! Wait... that money needs to cover for 2 mortgage payments before I'll get paid again... so that brings the balance down to... hmm.... and we need groceries - the cupboards are looking dangerously bare and the fridge is mostly empty, so that will bring the balance down further to... oh - and gas money to get to-and-from work, and the kids to-and-from school (we live in the country so this is a very real expense), which brings it down to.... DAMN!
Basically, I went from maxed out overdraft, to being nicely in the black, and I can see that with the writing on the wall, we'll be back to the bottom of the overdraft yet again before I next get paid. Total whiplash.
Today was payday, but there's no splurging, no "extra" available. Sub-day is still happening, because the kids don't need to know just how tight things are, and if I need to work from home for a couple of days to save the gas money to make up for the expense - well - I'm fortunate that I have that option available to me.
I look forward to the days where we're no longer paycheque-to-paycheque, and I swear that we won't be here again. This isn't something that I'm crossing my fingers on or simply hoping for - I'm committed to making the necessary changes to prevent this from happening, and it sounds like my husband's on board, too.
By the end of this year, we WILL be whiplash-free forever.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Crucible
Some of you may read this title and be reminded of a high school English class book about the Salem witch trials. This is not what I'm referring to. I found that the term "crucible" refers to something with which I can identify, and I wanted to share it.
Last night, while reading some "homework" that I needed to do for a leadership seminar, I found out that a "crucible" is actually an occasion of severe test or trial. The article I was reading was focused on the fact that with many great leaders, they were able to identify an event of some sort that was difficult and often even traumatic, as being a turning point for them. That this event changed the way they looked at things, approached things, and how it therefore ultimately changed them - for the better.
They say that doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and that true leaders are able to emerge on the other side of things wiser and more determined.
As I was reading this, article, alarm bells were sounding in my head. While I cannot say that this has happened for me with my work, this has happened for me with my life. I can point to the day that my crucible occured: Sunday, February 6, 2012. This day changed me. It changed my outlook on life, changed the way I approach things, and it changed the way I look at myself.
I've talked about improvement and many things that I'm working on in my life. What I haven't necessarily mentioned is that this is the first time that I'm tackling these long-standing concerns with commitment. They're no longer a part of who I am or who I want to be, therefore they cannot be allowed to happen.
So... what didn't break me has made me stronger. I emerged on the other side wiser and more determined. My crucible has set me free and has helped me see.
Last night, while reading some "homework" that I needed to do for a leadership seminar, I found out that a "crucible" is actually an occasion of severe test or trial. The article I was reading was focused on the fact that with many great leaders, they were able to identify an event of some sort that was difficult and often even traumatic, as being a turning point for them. That this event changed the way they looked at things, approached things, and how it therefore ultimately changed them - for the better.
They say that doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and that true leaders are able to emerge on the other side of things wiser and more determined.
As I was reading this, article, alarm bells were sounding in my head. While I cannot say that this has happened for me with my work, this has happened for me with my life. I can point to the day that my crucible occured: Sunday, February 6, 2012. This day changed me. It changed my outlook on life, changed the way I approach things, and it changed the way I look at myself.
I've talked about improvement and many things that I'm working on in my life. What I haven't necessarily mentioned is that this is the first time that I'm tackling these long-standing concerns with commitment. They're no longer a part of who I am or who I want to be, therefore they cannot be allowed to happen.
So... what didn't break me has made me stronger. I emerged on the other side wiser and more determined. My crucible has set me free and has helped me see.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Optimism
I used to hear people describe me as being bubbly, happy, upbeat, and positive. I'm not sure when that changed. I'm not sure when I changed. It's not that I'm described poorly, I'm just not getting the same vibe from people that I used to.
We've been through some tough times at work, and it's caused a lot of stress, resentment, and overall negativity. While this would cause me to feel low at work, it also carried through to my home life and brought me down. My colleagues and I tried the "complaint free world" program as a way to pull ourselves from the rut we'd created, but we all simply gave up on it.
Today, however, feels like a great day. Last night I started feeling lighter. This morning I didn't have to drag myself out of bed, but rather I was actually ready to begin my day. My drive to work was pleasant, and I spent my day productively, and having positive interactions with my co-workers.
I'm left to wonder if this is a result of my "Wellness Program" (I've now achieved 15% of my goal!). The other day, I held what seemed like a lot of copper wire in my hands. It seemed quite heavy, but was actually only 8 pounds or so on the scale. I'm realizing now that I was carrying that much extra weight on me in body fat - no wonder I feel lighter now that it's gone!
I've cut out Beef and Dairy products from my meals for the last 10 days. Perhaps my system is ridding itself of toxins and that's what's given me the extra pep in my step (I'm not dragged down and sluggish anymore).
Maybe the lightness and positive energy I'm feeling is a by-product of me making some long-overdue changes in my life. Rather than grudgingly accepting the things that I don't like, I'm taking steps to actively change them. It's empowering and makes me feel good about where I am and where I'm going.
Whatever the root cause of things, I love the fact that I've come this far, and I'm grateful for this wonderful day. Look out, world! My optimism is making a comeback! :)
We've been through some tough times at work, and it's caused a lot of stress, resentment, and overall negativity. While this would cause me to feel low at work, it also carried through to my home life and brought me down. My colleagues and I tried the "complaint free world" program as a way to pull ourselves from the rut we'd created, but we all simply gave up on it.
Today, however, feels like a great day. Last night I started feeling lighter. This morning I didn't have to drag myself out of bed, but rather I was actually ready to begin my day. My drive to work was pleasant, and I spent my day productively, and having positive interactions with my co-workers.
I'm left to wonder if this is a result of my "Wellness Program" (I've now achieved 15% of my goal!). The other day, I held what seemed like a lot of copper wire in my hands. It seemed quite heavy, but was actually only 8 pounds or so on the scale. I'm realizing now that I was carrying that much extra weight on me in body fat - no wonder I feel lighter now that it's gone!
I've cut out Beef and Dairy products from my meals for the last 10 days. Perhaps my system is ridding itself of toxins and that's what's given me the extra pep in my step (I'm not dragged down and sluggish anymore).
Maybe the lightness and positive energy I'm feeling is a by-product of me making some long-overdue changes in my life. Rather than grudgingly accepting the things that I don't like, I'm taking steps to actively change them. It's empowering and makes me feel good about where I am and where I'm going.
Whatever the root cause of things, I love the fact that I've come this far, and I'm grateful for this wonderful day. Look out, world! My optimism is making a comeback! :)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Economize
While winter may mean "bulking up" for some, it means "lean times" for our family. My husband works seasonally, so we have less income during the winter.
Over the course of the last several years, we've had great intentions during the summertime when we had a steady incoming coming in. Every summer we would plan to set funds aside to carry us through the winter, and every fall we would realize that our time had run out, and it was too late to save. This last summer and fall have been no exception.
What has changed, though, is our response to the situation. In addition to not saving, where we've gone wrong in the past is that despite our change in financial situation, we did not adjust our lifestyles - not much, anyway. When there was no money in the account, we were broke. It sucked, and we hated it. When we got paid, however, rather than directing the funds where they should go, we splurged because things had been so tight that it felt as though "we deserved it".
This winter, we're trying to learn from the mistakes of the past. While we haven't yet established an official budget that we'll be sticking to, we're both on the same page that we need to, and we're both working together to live within our means in the meantime.
Budgeting's not just about managing the expenses of right now - it's about priorities for both short- and long-term goals and working towards them.
An example of this came up when we were cleaning our room last night (which was our Valentine's Day gift to eachother). I have more books in my room than I have space for right now. This is the case even though I've purged and narrowed things down to only my favorite authors. They end up looking disorganized and messy because they get stacked everywhere. I love my books, but I need my uncluttered space even more. Ultimately, I'd like to get some great bookshelves, but I recognize that this is not our biggest priority right now. So I packed them up and they'll be stored upstairs until we've saved the money for bookshelves. I didn't allow the lack of money right now to prevent me from meeting my short-term goal of tidying the room - instead, I'm going to ensure that it is worked into our savings plan.
This may sound like a simple concept, but for us, it's a big change in our thinking. In the past, one of two things would have happened: either I would have left the books as is, remaining cluttered in the room, with the thought that "we don't have money for bookshelves right now, so they'll remain there until we do" or we would have run out and bought a bookshelf when I got paid to tidy things up in the way that we ultimately want.
I'm proud of the fact that we're doing things differently. We're learning to make smart choices and economize to meet our family's immediate and future needs. And we're doing it together :)
Over the course of the last several years, we've had great intentions during the summertime when we had a steady incoming coming in. Every summer we would plan to set funds aside to carry us through the winter, and every fall we would realize that our time had run out, and it was too late to save. This last summer and fall have been no exception.
What has changed, though, is our response to the situation. In addition to not saving, where we've gone wrong in the past is that despite our change in financial situation, we did not adjust our lifestyles - not much, anyway. When there was no money in the account, we were broke. It sucked, and we hated it. When we got paid, however, rather than directing the funds where they should go, we splurged because things had been so tight that it felt as though "we deserved it".
This winter, we're trying to learn from the mistakes of the past. While we haven't yet established an official budget that we'll be sticking to, we're both on the same page that we need to, and we're both working together to live within our means in the meantime.
Budgeting's not just about managing the expenses of right now - it's about priorities for both short- and long-term goals and working towards them.
An example of this came up when we were cleaning our room last night (which was our Valentine's Day gift to eachother). I have more books in my room than I have space for right now. This is the case even though I've purged and narrowed things down to only my favorite authors. They end up looking disorganized and messy because they get stacked everywhere. I love my books, but I need my uncluttered space even more. Ultimately, I'd like to get some great bookshelves, but I recognize that this is not our biggest priority right now. So I packed them up and they'll be stored upstairs until we've saved the money for bookshelves. I didn't allow the lack of money right now to prevent me from meeting my short-term goal of tidying the room - instead, I'm going to ensure that it is worked into our savings plan.
This may sound like a simple concept, but for us, it's a big change in our thinking. In the past, one of two things would have happened: either I would have left the books as is, remaining cluttered in the room, with the thought that "we don't have money for bookshelves right now, so they'll remain there until we do" or we would have run out and bought a bookshelf when I got paid to tidy things up in the way that we ultimately want.
I'm proud of the fact that we're doing things differently. We're learning to make smart choices and economize to meet our family's immediate and future needs. And we're doing it together :)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Room to Breathe
I spend a lot of time in my room. I work from home rather often, and since I don't have an office space set up and the living room tends to be chilly, my room tends to be "where it's at".
As I look around my room, though, I realize that it isn't what I had wanted it to be.
I had always pictured a place of calmness and serentity, with clean lines and simple decor; nature-based colors and a mild but pleasant scent. When we selected our furniture, wall-art, paint colors and layout, it was done with those objectives in mind. What happened? I ask myself. The simple answer is: We happened. The room was fine until we started spending time in it.
There are easily 6 loads of laundry in my room that need to be done. Up until last night, when I had finally had enough, approximately 4 of those were scattered over the floor. Now they're sorted and in hampers, but still need to be dealt with.
There have been clothes and miscellaneous "stuff" on the floor for probably about a year now. Yeah - that's right - a year. Meaning it's been a year since the floors have been swept and mopped to be truly clean. And really, if the laundry and floors haven't been touched, do you think we've dusted? No. About a month back, I organized and cleared off the tops of our dresser, our bedside stands, and the book ledges on either side of our bed. That stuff was cleaned and dusted at the time, but are yet again becoming a "dumping ground" for anything in our hands that we're too lazy to deal with right away.
So that mild and pleasant scent that I had hoped for? While I won't say that our room smells unpleasant, it doesn't smell fresh and clean, either. And how could it? The room itself is neither fresh nor clean. The Febreeze Noticeables Plug-In just isn't going to cover up for the fact that laziness has prevailed and general sloppiness has set in.
I'm trying to get the messy monster to remove its claws and allow us to escape to a safe haven of cleanliness. It started last night - that was the first big step. I need this momentum to continue, though. I need to carry on with the de-cluttering, cleaning, sorting, and tidying so I can feel like I'm getting my space back.
I need to be able to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and be able to picture myself in a relaxing, soothing environment. I also need to be able to open my eyes and know that I'm there.
Fingers crossed for continued momentum and efforts to bring me a room [in which] to breathe.
As I look around my room, though, I realize that it isn't what I had wanted it to be.
I had always pictured a place of calmness and serentity, with clean lines and simple decor; nature-based colors and a mild but pleasant scent. When we selected our furniture, wall-art, paint colors and layout, it was done with those objectives in mind. What happened? I ask myself. The simple answer is: We happened. The room was fine until we started spending time in it.
There are easily 6 loads of laundry in my room that need to be done. Up until last night, when I had finally had enough, approximately 4 of those were scattered over the floor. Now they're sorted and in hampers, but still need to be dealt with.
There have been clothes and miscellaneous "stuff" on the floor for probably about a year now. Yeah - that's right - a year. Meaning it's been a year since the floors have been swept and mopped to be truly clean. And really, if the laundry and floors haven't been touched, do you think we've dusted? No. About a month back, I organized and cleared off the tops of our dresser, our bedside stands, and the book ledges on either side of our bed. That stuff was cleaned and dusted at the time, but are yet again becoming a "dumping ground" for anything in our hands that we're too lazy to deal with right away.
So that mild and pleasant scent that I had hoped for? While I won't say that our room smells unpleasant, it doesn't smell fresh and clean, either. And how could it? The room itself is neither fresh nor clean. The Febreeze Noticeables Plug-In just isn't going to cover up for the fact that laziness has prevailed and general sloppiness has set in.
I'm trying to get the messy monster to remove its claws and allow us to escape to a safe haven of cleanliness. It started last night - that was the first big step. I need this momentum to continue, though. I need to carry on with the de-cluttering, cleaning, sorting, and tidying so I can feel like I'm getting my space back.
I need to be able to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and be able to picture myself in a relaxing, soothing environment. I also need to be able to open my eyes and know that I'm there.
Fingers crossed for continued momentum and efforts to bring me a room [in which] to breathe.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Self Control
I've been thinking about self-control over the last few days for a few reasons. One is the relationship overhaul that I previously mentioned, and that I'm now putting my faith in other people's self-control, rather than trying to control them myself. My struggles with this continue, and I try to "tamp down" my instincts by reminding myself that if expect different results, I need to make different choices. I'm trying to let people surprise me.
The other thing I've been thinking about is my own self-control. I've been trying a "Wellness Program" for the last week. I started on Monday, February 6, so I'm on day 7 today. I'm trying not to call it a "diet" for a couple of reasons: one, because the word has so many negative implications and conveys to everyone that I need to diet [which of course, I do... but still...] and two, because it involves exercise, as well. The program's called the P.I.N.K. Method and for the first two weeks, it involves a clearly regimented meal plan and no exercise.
It suggests that during that first two weeks most people will lose 5-10 pounds. As an overweight person who has tried a number of methods to lose the weight, my initial reaction to this was , of course, "Yeah, right". Here I am though, on day 7, weighing 7 lbs less than what I started with. I'm steadily losing a pound a day.
I went to a "girls night" with my sister on Friday evening and didn't have her famous, delicious brownies. In fact, I grabbed two of them to take home to my kids, and they survived the drive home beside me, with every crumb intact. Last night, my husband and I went to a "dinner dance" and I removed the croutons from my dressing-less salad, carefully peeled away the coating on the half-piece of my fish that I ate, ignored the bread and potatoes, declined desert, and took my coffee black.
I feel like the queen of self-control right now :)
While it would have been easier just to fall back into old habits, it actually wasn't that hard - but it was a conscious decision I had to make. Once I made the choice, it was just a matter of following through with it. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself - not yet, anyway. I'm not going hungry.
I know that progress at this rate is not something that will be maintained. I know that it's probably "water weight" or "inflammation" or some such thing. But I can be proud of it, just the same. I can know that I'm making different choices, and seeing different results because of it. It's so much easier to keep on the program when you can see from the get-go that it works. That it's doing what it says it will. It's a lot easier to say no to a brownie when you know that if you do, you'll lose a pound.
So here I am, at the one-week mark, having accomplished 12% of my weight-loss goal. Let the self-control continue!
The other thing I've been thinking about is my own self-control. I've been trying a "Wellness Program" for the last week. I started on Monday, February 6, so I'm on day 7 today. I'm trying not to call it a "diet" for a couple of reasons: one, because the word has so many negative implications and conveys to everyone that I need to diet [which of course, I do... but still...] and two, because it involves exercise, as well. The program's called the P.I.N.K. Method and for the first two weeks, it involves a clearly regimented meal plan and no exercise.
It suggests that during that first two weeks most people will lose 5-10 pounds. As an overweight person who has tried a number of methods to lose the weight, my initial reaction to this was , of course, "Yeah, right". Here I am though, on day 7, weighing 7 lbs less than what I started with. I'm steadily losing a pound a day.
I went to a "girls night" with my sister on Friday evening and didn't have her famous, delicious brownies. In fact, I grabbed two of them to take home to my kids, and they survived the drive home beside me, with every crumb intact. Last night, my husband and I went to a "dinner dance" and I removed the croutons from my dressing-less salad, carefully peeled away the coating on the half-piece of my fish that I ate, ignored the bread and potatoes, declined desert, and took my coffee black.
I feel like the queen of self-control right now :)
While it would have been easier just to fall back into old habits, it actually wasn't that hard - but it was a conscious decision I had to make. Once I made the choice, it was just a matter of following through with it. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself - not yet, anyway. I'm not going hungry.
I know that progress at this rate is not something that will be maintained. I know that it's probably "water weight" or "inflammation" or some such thing. But I can be proud of it, just the same. I can know that I'm making different choices, and seeing different results because of it. It's so much easier to keep on the program when you can see from the get-go that it works. That it's doing what it says it will. It's a lot easier to say no to a brownie when you know that if you do, you'll lose a pound.
So here I am, at the one-week mark, having accomplished 12% of my weight-loss goal. Let the self-control continue!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Recognition
Yesterday, I worked from 8:00 am to 5:30 am, with only an hour and a half break in the middle for dinner with the family.
I did this because I knew there were extra staff coming in to work today, and the task I was working on needed to be completed before they could do their jobs. If I hadn't, one of two things would have happened - either they would come all the way in to the office only to be sent away when it became apparent that there was no work, which would both inconvenience them and cost the company three hours of labour for each of them; or the rest of the team would need to try to scramble to find something for them to do, setting aside their own work to both coordinate and then train to make it happen. None of these potential outcomes have a direct impact on me, but they do have an impact on both the team and the company, so I did what needed to be done - I worked the 20 hour stretch and finished the job.
I sent an email at around 5:15 am, providing them with the summary of the results of the work that I had done, and to let them know that while I had to work around the clock to do it, the task was complete.
What I heard back from one of them was a reply saying "thanks for putting this together" and the other simply "thx". There was no acknowledgement of sacrifice, dedication, or commitment. There was no mention of my having gone "above and beyond". They were simply happy that the work was done, and didn't care what was needed to get it done. The lack of recognition leaves me dispirited and disappointed in our leadership team.
I've always been a dedicated employee. I'm a hard worker and a productive one. I not only do my job, but always keep in mind the big picture - what's best for the team, the client, and the company. I've always been driven to do the best job I could, and in the past, I've been inspired to do so.
Recognition means a lot. It can mean the difference between someone doing something great just once, or many times. It can mean the difference between someone feeling appreciated and someone feeling taken for granted. It can mean the difference between good relationships and crumbling ones.
While I mull over the impact that this experience has on my feelings about work, I'll take away this life lesson and make sure I don't make the same mistakes that my management team has made. It serves as a reminder for me to recognize all the little (and not so little) things that people do for us every day. Reminding me not to take things for granted, because it hurts and devalues people when we do.
I'm reminded of the "Golden Rule" and focusing on recognition.
I did this because I knew there were extra staff coming in to work today, and the task I was working on needed to be completed before they could do their jobs. If I hadn't, one of two things would have happened - either they would come all the way in to the office only to be sent away when it became apparent that there was no work, which would both inconvenience them and cost the company three hours of labour for each of them; or the rest of the team would need to try to scramble to find something for them to do, setting aside their own work to both coordinate and then train to make it happen. None of these potential outcomes have a direct impact on me, but they do have an impact on both the team and the company, so I did what needed to be done - I worked the 20 hour stretch and finished the job.
I sent an email at around 5:15 am, providing them with the summary of the results of the work that I had done, and to let them know that while I had to work around the clock to do it, the task was complete.
What I heard back from one of them was a reply saying "thanks for putting this together" and the other simply "thx". There was no acknowledgement of sacrifice, dedication, or commitment. There was no mention of my having gone "above and beyond". They were simply happy that the work was done, and didn't care what was needed to get it done. The lack of recognition leaves me dispirited and disappointed in our leadership team.
I've always been a dedicated employee. I'm a hard worker and a productive one. I not only do my job, but always keep in mind the big picture - what's best for the team, the client, and the company. I've always been driven to do the best job I could, and in the past, I've been inspired to do so.
Recognition means a lot. It can mean the difference between someone doing something great just once, or many times. It can mean the difference between someone feeling appreciated and someone feeling taken for granted. It can mean the difference between good relationships and crumbling ones.
While I mull over the impact that this experience has on my feelings about work, I'll take away this life lesson and make sure I don't make the same mistakes that my management team has made. It serves as a reminder for me to recognize all the little (and not so little) things that people do for us every day. Reminding me not to take things for granted, because it hurts and devalues people when we do.
I'm reminded of the "Golden Rule" and focusing on recognition.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Evaluation
When I was in school, I got good grades. My parents set high expectations for my sister and I and pushed us to always give 100%. They instilled good work study habits and a love of learning. And I do love learning - I have my parents to thank for this.
Having said that, I remember coming home on report card day with seven A's and one B and having to speak to "what went wrong". I remember feeling such anxiety coming home with that envelope in hand - I even remember getting sick on my walk home from school. Don't get me wrong... my parents are loving and caring people - I'm not talking about facing abuse or anything. I'm talking about facing their disappointment. I didn't want to let them down by not meeting the bar they had set for us.
While I don't consciously remember doing so, I've adopted a similar mindset in reaction to report cards. I didn't even realize it until my kids came home today with their report cards. My kids don't usually get the sort of grades that I did. They normally float around the B mark, with the occasional A or C. While I notice the "letter grade", I tend to zero in on the comments as I find them more insightful.
When I looked at my daughter, I noticed that her eyes looked a little strange. I asked her if she had trouble falling asleep the night before, and she told me that she slept fine. I glance through her report card, and then I see it - a D minus. My gut reaction, of course, is to ask "What Happened?!?" but I don't. Because now I get it. She was so anxious about the grade that she had been crying. Without meaning to, I had put the same pressure on my kids.
I took a deep breath and read the comments. There were actually four separate grades for math - each area evaluated separately. So within the math categories, she had two A's, one B, and a D minus. I remember her struggling with the one unit. Needing my help after she had failed a couple of tests.
So I ask her if she was nervous to show me the report card, and she says that she was. I ask her if she tried her best, and she indicates that she did, but admits that she did so only after it was too late. So I try to remember and at the same time, remind her, that the report card is just a summary of how the teacher thinks you did. She already knew that in that one particular unit, she didn't do well, and her grade was a reflection of that, just as the other grades were a reflection of how well she did in other units and subjects.
A reminder today - to her, to me, to everyone, that while none of us likes having mistakes shoved in our face, it's okay. It's important to own them, accept responsibility for them, and learn from them. With a little luck and some effort, hopefully we avoid repeating them. It's also important for us to remember that just because we've made mistakes in our past, our future remains our own to do with what we will.
Tomorrow is a brand new day, with no mistakes.
Having said that, I remember coming home on report card day with seven A's and one B and having to speak to "what went wrong". I remember feeling such anxiety coming home with that envelope in hand - I even remember getting sick on my walk home from school. Don't get me wrong... my parents are loving and caring people - I'm not talking about facing abuse or anything. I'm talking about facing their disappointment. I didn't want to let them down by not meeting the bar they had set for us.
While I don't consciously remember doing so, I've adopted a similar mindset in reaction to report cards. I didn't even realize it until my kids came home today with their report cards. My kids don't usually get the sort of grades that I did. They normally float around the B mark, with the occasional A or C. While I notice the "letter grade", I tend to zero in on the comments as I find them more insightful.
When I looked at my daughter, I noticed that her eyes looked a little strange. I asked her if she had trouble falling asleep the night before, and she told me that she slept fine. I glance through her report card, and then I see it - a D minus. My gut reaction, of course, is to ask "What Happened?!?" but I don't. Because now I get it. She was so anxious about the grade that she had been crying. Without meaning to, I had put the same pressure on my kids.
I took a deep breath and read the comments. There were actually four separate grades for math - each area evaluated separately. So within the math categories, she had two A's, one B, and a D minus. I remember her struggling with the one unit. Needing my help after she had failed a couple of tests.
So I ask her if she was nervous to show me the report card, and she says that she was. I ask her if she tried her best, and she indicates that she did, but admits that she did so only after it was too late. So I try to remember and at the same time, remind her, that the report card is just a summary of how the teacher thinks you did. She already knew that in that one particular unit, she didn't do well, and her grade was a reflection of that, just as the other grades were a reflection of how well she did in other units and subjects.
A reminder today - to her, to me, to everyone, that while none of us likes having mistakes shoved in our face, it's okay. It's important to own them, accept responsibility for them, and learn from them. With a little luck and some effort, hopefully we avoid repeating them. It's also important for us to remember that just because we've made mistakes in our past, our future remains our own to do with what we will.
Tomorrow is a brand new day, with no mistakes.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Faith
I'm trying really hard to NOT control things, but to have faith that all will end up as it should. This is incredibly difficult for me, since at the end of the day, I don't trust people to make the choices that I feel they should.
Enter: Relationship Conflict.
The simple fact is that you can't run another person's life - even if you think that (sometimes, anyway) you may do a better job at it then they do. Everyone needs to be themselves, and that involves making the decisions that THEY think are right.
I'm trying to let go of some "controls" that I've put in place. Agreements that have been made over the years as a result of a negative situation. As an example of this, without getting into too many gory details, a rule of "no hard liquor" was invoked when someone had too much one night and was, let's just say "unpleasant|". By putting the rule in place, I made sure that the situation wouldn't happen again. This is just one of MANY rules which have been established.
I tend to not trust other people's judgement, and by invoking these rules, I'm able to give myself the reassurance I need in order to get past the issue, knowing it won't happen again.
The reality of life and relationships, though, is that when a person finds themselves having to live within so many rules and restrictions, which, while agreed upon at the time, were ultimately dictated by someone else who's supposed to be their equal, resentment is inevitable.
So... I've decided to let go. Let go of the rules, let go of the restrictions. Trust that people will make good choices and that they are considerate. Have faith that at the end of the day, consideration for other's feelings will prevail over selfishness, and that everything will be okay.
I'm scared. I'm so scared to let go of those controls that I'm completely FILLED with anxiety. I know that it needs to be done... that whole "If you love something, set it free" thing. Terrified that it won't come back to me - or that if it does, it won't be what I fell in love with in the first place.
Need to have faith.
Enter: Relationship Conflict.
The simple fact is that you can't run another person's life - even if you think that (sometimes, anyway) you may do a better job at it then they do. Everyone needs to be themselves, and that involves making the decisions that THEY think are right.
I'm trying to let go of some "controls" that I've put in place. Agreements that have been made over the years as a result of a negative situation. As an example of this, without getting into too many gory details, a rule of "no hard liquor" was invoked when someone had too much one night and was, let's just say "unpleasant|". By putting the rule in place, I made sure that the situation wouldn't happen again. This is just one of MANY rules which have been established.
I tend to not trust other people's judgement, and by invoking these rules, I'm able to give myself the reassurance I need in order to get past the issue, knowing it won't happen again.
The reality of life and relationships, though, is that when a person finds themselves having to live within so many rules and restrictions, which, while agreed upon at the time, were ultimately dictated by someone else who's supposed to be their equal, resentment is inevitable.
So... I've decided to let go. Let go of the rules, let go of the restrictions. Trust that people will make good choices and that they are considerate. Have faith that at the end of the day, consideration for other's feelings will prevail over selfishness, and that everything will be okay.
I'm scared. I'm so scared to let go of those controls that I'm completely FILLED with anxiety. I know that it needs to be done... that whole "If you love something, set it free" thing. Terrified that it won't come back to me - or that if it does, it won't be what I fell in love with in the first place.
Need to have faith.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Great Expectations
I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about expectations. I believe that relationships work best when each person knows what is expected of them, and in turn, makes their expectations known.
I now realize that I've neglected to do this with possibly my most important relationship - the one I have with myself. I expect the best that everyone around me has to offer, and I, in turn, give them the best that I can. I haven't given ME my best, though. So... In the spirit of improvement - and improving me, here goes...
I am overweight. There - I said it. It sucks to say it, to think it, to type it, but most of all, it sucks to be it. I think the last time I was happy with my weight was my second year of college, and I did not achieve those results in a healthy way. I didn't eat very much (half a Slim-Fast bar for breakfast, the other half for lunch, and a small-medium sized dinner where calories were counted down to the last pea), and worked out at the gym 5-7 days a week.
I've grown up since then, and unfortunately, I've also grown out. I realize that if I'm going to lose the extra 60 lbs I'm carrying around with me, I have to make some very real changes. Everyone knows that the main behaviors that impact weight are food and exercise. If it were easy to change these things, there wouldn't be so many overweight people out there.
Truth time... I tend to be lazy. My inclination is to sit down, lounge around, and just generally veg out. I know it's not healthy, and I know it doesn't set a good example for my kids. Unless I'm super-inspired or motivated to be otherwise, I don't get off my ass. I also have a sweet tooth that won't quit. Chocolate, pastries, candy, ice cream... you name it, I love it. Deep-fried & salty things, though often within my nutritional repertoire, don't lure me in and grab hold of me the way sugar does. These are my challenges, and ones I need to overcome.
I expect better from myself. I expect that I will make smart nutrient-rich food choices that will fuel my body. I expect that I will be active - both for my own health and wellness, and also to be a strong role model for my children. These are achievable expectations, and if I were to give myself the best I had to offer, I would meet them.
I understand that dramatic lifestyle changes don't happen overnight, but I also know that anything behavior-related is a choice. I can choose to make a healthy decision, or an unhealthy one.
Here's to meeting my great expectations!
I now realize that I've neglected to do this with possibly my most important relationship - the one I have with myself. I expect the best that everyone around me has to offer, and I, in turn, give them the best that I can. I haven't given ME my best, though. So... In the spirit of improvement - and improving me, here goes...
I am overweight. There - I said it. It sucks to say it, to think it, to type it, but most of all, it sucks to be it. I think the last time I was happy with my weight was my second year of college, and I did not achieve those results in a healthy way. I didn't eat very much (half a Slim-Fast bar for breakfast, the other half for lunch, and a small-medium sized dinner where calories were counted down to the last pea), and worked out at the gym 5-7 days a week.
I've grown up since then, and unfortunately, I've also grown out. I realize that if I'm going to lose the extra 60 lbs I'm carrying around with me, I have to make some very real changes. Everyone knows that the main behaviors that impact weight are food and exercise. If it were easy to change these things, there wouldn't be so many overweight people out there.
Truth time... I tend to be lazy. My inclination is to sit down, lounge around, and just generally veg out. I know it's not healthy, and I know it doesn't set a good example for my kids. Unless I'm super-inspired or motivated to be otherwise, I don't get off my ass. I also have a sweet tooth that won't quit. Chocolate, pastries, candy, ice cream... you name it, I love it. Deep-fried & salty things, though often within my nutritional repertoire, don't lure me in and grab hold of me the way sugar does. These are my challenges, and ones I need to overcome.
I expect better from myself. I expect that I will make smart nutrient-rich food choices that will fuel my body. I expect that I will be active - both for my own health and wellness, and also to be a strong role model for my children. These are achievable expectations, and if I were to give myself the best I had to offer, I would meet them.
I understand that dramatic lifestyle changes don't happen overnight, but I also know that anything behavior-related is a choice. I can choose to make a healthy decision, or an unhealthy one.
Here's to meeting my great expectations!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Improvement
So... I tend to be a person that's constantly looking to improve things. This is a double-edged sword, as it's both my strength and my weakness.
It's wonderful when I change something for the better - either within myself, or my environment, or the people with whom I share my life. The downside to this is that when you're constantly looking to improve things, it also means you're naturally looking for what needs improvement.
Once I've identified what needs to be improved... well, then... I try to figure out how to improve it. A side-effect of this planning is that it can occasionally manifest itself as me trying to control everything.
So there you have it... I believe (although others may disagree) that these are my biggest obstacles in life. 9 times out of 10, when I'm in conflict with either something, or someone, it's because I'm looking to improve and/or control things.
Currently on my "needs improvement" list:
It's wonderful when I change something for the better - either within myself, or my environment, or the people with whom I share my life. The downside to this is that when you're constantly looking to improve things, it also means you're naturally looking for what needs improvement.
Once I've identified what needs to be improved... well, then... I try to figure out how to improve it. A side-effect of this planning is that it can occasionally manifest itself as me trying to control everything.
So there you have it... I believe (although others may disagree) that these are my biggest obstacles in life. 9 times out of 10, when I'm in conflict with either something, or someone, it's because I'm looking to improve and/or control things.
Currently on my "needs improvement" list:
- My health/my weight
- My job satisfaction
- My living space
- My financial situation
- My family
Getting Started
So... while many people begin a blog with an idea of what it will be, I have not done so.
This may be a place to share my dreams, vent my frustrations, or simply note the minutiae of my day-to-day life. This blog will develop and grow and change just like I do. I hope that it will evolve and that the process of posting my thoughts helps me to gain some clarity to navigate through the murky-misty landscape of life.
Not too long ago, I took the family on a road trip, with no particular destination in mind. If was a fun and flexible experience, reminding us all that life isn't just about the destination - it's about the journey.
I think that this blog will be a lot like that... Feel free to join me and come along for the ride :)
This may be a place to share my dreams, vent my frustrations, or simply note the minutiae of my day-to-day life. This blog will develop and grow and change just like I do. I hope that it will evolve and that the process of posting my thoughts helps me to gain some clarity to navigate through the murky-misty landscape of life.
Not too long ago, I took the family on a road trip, with no particular destination in mind. If was a fun and flexible experience, reminding us all that life isn't just about the destination - it's about the journey.
I think that this blog will be a lot like that... Feel free to join me and come along for the ride :)
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