It's been a month since I last posted. If it weren't for my friend pointing out the fact that I've been neglecting my blog, I might've missed the month of April altogether.
I feel confident. The confidence I have in myself is something I can't remember having before - ever. I feel good about the changes that I'm making. I know what I want and what I don't want. I have a clear vision about the path I'm on to get me to where I want to be.
I've always felt insecure, and inferior to those around me. I've always felt intimidated by people who were confident, and for some reason, valued myself as being "less than" most other people. I guess I figured that they seemed to know what they were all about. Not me - I might have had an idea, or a thought, but I never had the confidence to truly know - so I would simply fall in line with others - because if they know the answers so well, and they know what to do, then who am I to say otherwise?
What started off with my weight loss journey has transformed not only my body, but my entire life. I have found my voice. I sometimes have to watch myself to prevent me from going to the other extreme, where my confidence wants to creep into arrogance. I am challenging people, and speaking up when I don't agree. I care less about what others think of me, because I have a better opinion of myself. I used to think so little of myself that I needed the validation from others to make me feel like I was okay, or of value. I don't need that anymore. I'm finding out who I am, and being proud of who I am. I don't hide it, and I don't apologize for it. People may like me or they might not - It doesn't matter. That may seem like a small thing for anyone reading this, but to me, it's completely liberating. It means I'm no longer living my life for someone else - I'm doing it for me, and doing it the way I want to.
My family and friends have been amazingly supportive, throughout my entire journey (which is not yet done - I'm 60% of the way toward achieving my goal). I think I initially took this for granted, but I now see how not everyone has this. I see how sometimes, when someone is trying to better themselves, even the people they are closest to may become "naysayers" and try to drag them back down. I understand the others' motivations - fear, guilt, and several others in between, but even while I understand it, it still makes me sad.
I'm a stronger person than I was 3 months ago. Strong both physically and emotionally. I like who I am, and who I'm on my way to becoming. Fingers crossed that I continue to have the strength to finish my journey and reach my goals.
