Do you have one of those people in your life that just knows how to push your buttons? They know you so well, that they can zero in on them with no trouble at all. The ones that seem to go in looking for a fight - and they get one.
I have someone like that. And do you know what? I often responded in a perfectly predictable manner. The simple fact is that I am who I am, so I will react to certain things in certain ways. So this person would steer things down a certain path, and I would get sucked right into it - hook, line & sinker.
Not tonight.
Tonight I decided to temper my response - and bite my tongue. I didn't put a fake smile on things, don't get me wrong. But when things went to a place that I felt was unacceptable or unproductive, I simply and calmly said so. I drew my line very clearly in the sand.
Interesting reaction from the other party.
I threw things off their game - moved them in a different direction. Basically said, "I'm not going to play this game" and decided not to. It feels scary, breaking pattern like that. As much as the old patterns of behaviour were awful, at least they were predictable. They had ther own ebb and flow, and you knew how it would all turn out. It's the uncertainty that scares us away from making a different choice, responding differently, reacting differently. It's scary as hell to take a road not previously taken... a windy and unknown road that you don't know where it leads to.
I'm going down that road now - I'm evolving, and my relationships are evolving... I'm taking the unknown path and hoping for the best - because hope for better things is what drives us to change and move forward.
Here's to the new evolution! May it take me down a better path than the roads previous taken.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
The Ability to Overlook
We live in a time where there is so much to do, and not enough time in which to do it. We get creative with our time management, and look for ways to shave things down. Part of this involves deciding what ball needs to get dropped, or what tasks to let slide for awhile.
A main deciding factor in this? The profile of the task. Is it something that is obvious? Will people notice if it isn't done? If so, can the fact that it isn't done be easily justified? If no one will notice, if it's easy to overlook, this is the sort of thing that can slip by the wayside from time to time.
The reality is that far too often, for most of us, we let things go until we just can't ignore, them anymore. There can be any multitude of reasons why we procrastinate: time, money and effort are the biggies.
Didn't get that "check engine" light on the dash checked out, now the car's making horrible noises and you can't wait any longer... would've been simpler, more convenient, and cheaper to take it to the shop before this point, but hey... human nature, right?
Didn't get the bathroom cleaned when it only needed a quick wipe... now you've got surprise guests and it needs to be scrubbed. Should've done it sooner, but because the mess wasn't staring you in the face, it was ignored, and now it's embarrassing.
Didn't exercise regularly because a look in the mirror told you that you looked okay - you didn't need to work out.... Now your muscles have gone soft, you've gained back a few pounds, and your clothes don't fit the same way. Should've maintained things, but because the reasons for being healthy were no longer staring you in the face, you let yourself go.
The people in my family (myself included) have a remarkable ability to overlook things that we don't want to deal with. We ignore messes as they accumulate, and we're lazy by nature. Unless we absolutely HAVE TO do something, we don't. Unless there's no way for us to avoid something, we'll make every effort to do just that.
This is something I'm becoming more aware of, as time goes by. I'm implementing systems (hey - it's what I do) in an effort to get things on track - to tidy and clean before things look like they have to be cleaned. My theory is that our house will then always look super clean and tidy, all the time. I know, I know, probably wishful thinking, but hey...a girl can dream, right? I need to work on taking away our ability to overlook things. Wish me luck!
A main deciding factor in this? The profile of the task. Is it something that is obvious? Will people notice if it isn't done? If so, can the fact that it isn't done be easily justified? If no one will notice, if it's easy to overlook, this is the sort of thing that can slip by the wayside from time to time.
The reality is that far too often, for most of us, we let things go until we just can't ignore, them anymore. There can be any multitude of reasons why we procrastinate: time, money and effort are the biggies.
Didn't get that "check engine" light on the dash checked out, now the car's making horrible noises and you can't wait any longer... would've been simpler, more convenient, and cheaper to take it to the shop before this point, but hey... human nature, right?
Didn't get the bathroom cleaned when it only needed a quick wipe... now you've got surprise guests and it needs to be scrubbed. Should've done it sooner, but because the mess wasn't staring you in the face, it was ignored, and now it's embarrassing.
Didn't exercise regularly because a look in the mirror told you that you looked okay - you didn't need to work out.... Now your muscles have gone soft, you've gained back a few pounds, and your clothes don't fit the same way. Should've maintained things, but because the reasons for being healthy were no longer staring you in the face, you let yourself go.
The people in my family (myself included) have a remarkable ability to overlook things that we don't want to deal with. We ignore messes as they accumulate, and we're lazy by nature. Unless we absolutely HAVE TO do something, we don't. Unless there's no way for us to avoid something, we'll make every effort to do just that.
This is something I'm becoming more aware of, as time goes by. I'm implementing systems (hey - it's what I do) in an effort to get things on track - to tidy and clean before things look like they have to be cleaned. My theory is that our house will then always look super clean and tidy, all the time. I know, I know, probably wishful thinking, but hey...a girl can dream, right? I need to work on taking away our ability to overlook things. Wish me luck!
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