I'm at a point right now where I've got a lot on my mind. Some things I'm ready to write about, others I'm not. When I went to put some of my thoughts down, though, I realized it had been 6 months since I had last posted.
Bearing that in mind, in the interests of providing context to any of my future posts, here's what's new...
Work:
I left my job of 14.5 years to go to work for the client that I had been working with. This has left me with a lot of feelings...
Excitement - because I'm doing something different and new and exciting
Security - because my previous role was likely not going to exist in the long-term future...
Grief - because my relationship with my previous work friends took such a dramatic and unexpected turn and I'm feeling that loss... So much...
Frustration - because the management style and approach is so completely unfamiliar to me...
Worry - because I miss my old colleagues and friends and wonder if I've made a mistake
Relief - because I have a good pension plan and no longer need to worry about how I'm going to manage to survive 30 years from now.
Weight:
Lost 15 of the 20 pounds I had gained back. Still need to exercise, though. I've been managing my weight with food alone thus far, but that isn't going to get me the body I want, only one I can be satisfied with. It's not enough, and I need to give myself a serious kick in the ass and do something about it.
Relationships:
Marriage: Things are, for the most part, really good. Communication is key, and I'm making a point of being VERY clear about where I'm at. I believe this has served us well thus far - that is not to say that there are no conflicts - 'cause let's face it - there will always be some conflict in any marriage. No, it's more that there aren't any misunderstandings. When there's an issue. It's real, and it's valid, and it needs to be resolved. There are no conflicts based on false information or assumptions, though.
Family: My new job is a 2-hour commute away. Oddly enough, this doesn't bother me too much - I actually spend more time with the family than I used to with my old job. I will say, though, that the commute makes the work days themselves much longer than they used to be. For this reason, I feel compelled to make the most of the weekends, since that's the time I really have available to spend with people. This is a shift in the overall dynamic of our family, and one we're each struggling with, at least to some degree.
Friends: I'm making friends more of a priority. Whether it be taking the time to FB message the during my morning commute or touching base in the evenings/weekends when the opportunity presents itself, I'm making more of a point to connect with people. Some are good friends I've had for years. Some are family. Some are old friends I've reconnected with, and some are more like acquaintances whose commonalities with myself have pleasantly surprised me. However I've come to know them, I'm enjoying the connections, even if they are mostly done electronically due to my lifestyle and priorities.
Life, and the pursuit of happiness:
I've also been making plans with friends when I'm not working, recognizing that I am more than a wife, mother, and employee, but I'm also a person who has their own wants, needs, and vision. I'm trying to be a little bit selfish, finally realizing that "because it makes me happy" IS actually reason enough to do something. That my happiness needn't just be a fortunate by-product of a decision made to benefit someone else, but can actually be the primary goal of something - and that that's ok. I'm learning to be a little bit frivolous and am trying to be more spontaneous. Sometimes I love the planning of things, and the anticipation when an event is coming up. Recently, though, I've discovered that it can weigh on me, too - the planning of it all, the having to make it happen, the having to adjust and modify when plans need to change. I've found that having the flexibility and the willingness to simply get up and do something NOW - because the opportunity has presented itself and because you want to - is a lovely thing.
